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We have got a very perpetual inclination to understand that stress is a factor more closely associated with the people who under-performed or even failed in our benchmarked socio-economic standards. It is true that considering todays’ world order and conditions, there is indeed much to worry for the under-achievers.
But that does not mean that they are the only ones to worry and get exposed to stress. In real life situations we often can find even most successful high networth people are extremely stressed. And often that is at a much higher degree than the unsuccessful ones. Why so?
To understand a bit of this intricate theory, we need to understand the different perspectives that one can hold when understanding the definitions of success and failure in the prevalent socio-economic scenario.
Most often we term the word success or failure with respect to the economy of liquid and fixed material properties. This has become the primary benchmarked index of success. But is that actually that true?
I have seen plenty of people with nominal financial assets, still living quite happily and peacefully than many other high networth individuals.
In modern marketing studies, they say that the business economy can transform human needs into wants and wants into demands. It is true to the extent of materials that our economy or our money can buy. But what about things that money cannot buy for us?
Before going into stress we need to get this understood at least partially. So what is stress? We can say stresses are reactions of our lifestyle which we follow intentionally or unintentionally or most practically often the both but with varied degrees of combination.
Does that mean we can manage our stress by changing lifestyles? This is one of the most complex questions in today’s world. Changing the lifestyle itself becomes one of the toughest jobs when that is more externally induced than internally. For example, someone may have night-shift work at the office and that can produce considerable stress and damage to the body and mind, especially after the age of 30.
These kinds of externally induced lifestyle issues are quite hard to change because they are associated with many other issues like finance and the economy.
But that does not mean that all the lifestyle issues are externally induced. And also even if externally induced then that can have its root at the internal level also. For example if one chooses to view television or do social media till late at night then that can be managed more easily than workplace compulsions.
But in one perspective workplace stress can also be an outcome of our choices. Afterall it is we who choose our workplace. Most prevalent trend of workplace choice goes with the health of the pay cheque and not with the mental and physical health of the person as the employee. Thus a stressful reaction becomes almost inevitable.
And the same thing happens frequently with many successful people.
Once I used to have a fellow businessman working in the area of software development. One day he was discussing another business project of food supplies. He had a small team hence his direct involvement would be considerable. So I asked him how he can plan to work in software as well as food. He said that whatever can become a good prospect of earning can become a business interest.
If this is the way we have chosen our business or job then the reaction of stress can be guaranteed. We need to understand that we are human beings who are emotional beings and also intelligent beings but not particularly adept to be just financial beings. So when we plan out things only from the perspective of money, etc., often that becomes an emotional burden for us. This in turn generates so much stress.
In the same way, if a student is studying hard only because he needs a great score and a good career then inevitably that will become a great source of stress to that student. On the other hand a student can have a bigger purpose and a better relationship with his or her subjects and studies, then things may become more enjoyable than stressful.
Banking on the emotional connections with education and subjects are far more advanced and stress-free than banking on the job and career purposes. It is true that for a student securing a good career and achieving a good job is a big priority. But being happy and sound mentally and physically has to be an even higher priority. Otherwise even the job and career also can get heavily compromised at some point in his or her life.
This is the World Health Organization (WHO) definition of stress in the above picture. So if something is changing then it can induce physical and/or mental strain. If the change is not favorable or not a positive one then the associated strain and stress are much higher.
Success is a change. And the dimension and perspective of such changes varies from person to person. Hence the meaning and definition of success also varies largely.
There are many people, for whom success itself becomes a great burden to carry on and as a result can generate extreme strain and stress. Especially if success is defined and pursued on very volatile and ambiguous objectives like money, wealth, power, etc. then initially that may appear quite impressive but just after a certain point that induces so much stress and strain that it can create numerous odd characteristics or symptoms or expressions, that keep building up inside the person.
As I have said before that both failure and success can generate stress but the nature and source of such behaviors can be a lot different.
Usually stress of failures are more obvious, spontaneous, simultaneous and with fast expressions. On the contrary, the stress of success builds up slowly but even more deeply. The expressions are often hidden and ambiguous. After no successful man would like to accept defeat by saying that this is what he never wanted or expected. He will do the contrary. He will forcefully try to show that he has to be happy and content. That showdown gets even more stressful within the concerned person. But usually he would have nowhere to open up. The overall situation can become like an analogy of a pressure cooker.
I have heard that a psychologist or psychiatrist faces the toughest challenge to make his patient speak most honestly. In a treatment that gets to be one of the greatest barriers. Thus we can understand that if we have to be this in front of a doctor, then what we can be where we have to hold our head as high as possible irrespective of whatever is happening inside in reality.
(We can delve deeper into this subject but that will be out of the scope of this article. I have just touched these situations to create an understanding on how different the situation and condition can become. This is expected to be a learning curve for the readers)
In the case of students, the situations usually are less complicated. Because the number of variables are also quite less in their life. One of the main stress a successful student is going to face every time is the performance pressure or stress. But with increasing stress the student can also fail to open up and the more he will fail to open up the more he will sink deep within stress.
Thus finding and diagnosing the stress of failures are easier and quicker than the stress of success. Stress of failure is more obvious and evident than the stress of success. Students also feel it is easier to express, often leading to getting help from parents, teachers, friends and so on.
This is because usually success gets deeper in our mind and life than failure. Failure only gets too deep when one reaches the point of bankruptcy or destruction. Otherwise success gets deeper and often with the negative notion. And there stands the problem which can be higher than the problem of not suçcessful.
Something that gets deeper and on which we depend more, the stress generated by that will also become deeper and bigger. The more even our small things depend on our success, the more stress we are to get.
Nowadays even family, relations and friends depend on success. Naturally one would never want to be deserted. So the stress is evident.
We cannot even shun or give such a stressful if ever required success as all our life’s wellbeing and happiness is depending on it. Then we have to think how can we live without that success. Then this can become a kind of compulsive disorder in our life…may I call that “success compulsive disorder”? And then the fear of failure will become one’s sort of obsessive compulsive disorder. Thus it becomes so tough to deal with, so tough to get rid of.
It is tough but it is possible (at least to a considerable extent). As the wise pearsons say, we should not let success take its place in our head. We need to keep it rather technical and professional instead of taking it emotionally.
Once success gets emotional then the stress increases manifold. Success has to be dealt with just like a device or facility that can be available for making things work better. It’s just a device. It may work or it may not work, it may be there or it may not be there. In absence of devices we face inconveniences. Same with the success. Without success we will face inconveniences. But still we will live and we can be happy.
Once success fails to make its place in our head and heart, then it becomes dispensable. Keeping success dispensable is the most important and most tough part of the whole thing. Usually for us everything else seems dispensable for earning success. But almost never success is dispensable for anything (for success oriented people).
There are people who do not at all work for success. That way it is not right and I am not quoting their examples. I said that success is an important device, it is an essential resource to generate conveniences in work, home and overall living. So people who are working less or caring less about success are not the right category to discuss. They are just misplaced in their lives, often misdirected also. They are never our examples.
One more great secret is there to easily digest success. Just keep increasing the abilities. As a rule of thumb, one person’s success to abilities ratio should be less than one. That is the level of abilities needed to be way higher than the level of success. Then the abilities can block the way of success to prevent it from entering the head and the heart.
Also great abilities can give great confidence. Then the person will be able to give up or dispense success as he will be confident to make all that success again or perhaps greater than that anytime. So success will not become a big issue for him anyway. And thus the stresses associated with the success will also be minimal.
Success is ok but stress is not ok. This is the thing that we need to put in our vocabulary. We need to use success for our holistic betterment. But if we get too much stress due to success then the actual purpose of success gets out of context. Usually such a success does not pay anyway. And the end result is often similar to or can be sometimes worse than not being successful.
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